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The Co-Creative Relationship

Catalyst for Awakening

(Number 3 in a Series about Divine Relationship)

by

Relationship Recommendations: Do not battle with your partner. Remember this is the person you love, not your enemy. You are only battling with yourself any way. Do not defend yourself and do not attack your mate (in any way) - love is not a war. Don't play the blame game, nothing is their fault, everything happens mutually, we all co-create events for our awakening. Do not project that your mate must do anything, or not do anything. You are not a victim. Your fulfillment, security and happiness is not dependent on the actions of another. You cannot shift relationship patterns. You can only shift your individual patterns, thus shifting the relationship.

Your ego, emotions and mental body will want to do battle because we feel our partner "isn't doing well enough at meeting our needs," and "isn't providing us what we have determined they should," - thus we feel abandoned by them. Our egos will try to manipulate and control to get rid of the pain, by telling the other partner their transgression, and get them to do what we want them to do. The mind tries to fix the problem by pointing it out to the partner so they will do the "right thing".

How do you communicate about your feelings and transactions between two people without placing blame? To a large degree it is impossible, but read on for the "solution". When we feel hurt and are not getting what we need to feel happy we "naturally" feel victimized and our emotions and intellect will act from this perspective. We will try to manipulate and control to get rid of the pain, either by telling the other partner their transgression or admitting our own. The mind will try to fix the problem or at least dramatically point it out to the partner so they will do the "right thing".

If your mate does a similar thing to you, do not defend yourself. Do not enter the story. Listen but do not defend your actions by details of why you did what you did. If you defend yourself you have just entered the battle of the egos. The mind will try to come up with the best defense to win the argument. In other words it will find the best scenario where you are the best or worst victim. The person who wins this game is: the one who is the most victimized; whoever can make the other person feel the worst by implying that they are an abuser wins. Stop this battle, or do not start it by not entering the battle field. Find what you "need" from your partner within your own beingness. Provide for yourself what your insecurities have determined you are lacking.

Most relationships exist based on finding the perfect person that can provide the most things we feel we are lacking, or unconsciously feel we are lacking. When people start looking to themselves, their true selves, and find there is no lack, they will no longer need this type of relationship.

Are you through with this old form of dependent relationship yet you still fall into the old battle traps and dependencies? Give yourself and your partner a break, this is a process of awakening. We are manifesting the new relationship of the new civilization. We have all the blueprints for the new civilization based on this new relationship. And revealing it and embodying it is a gradual process as the transition to the next dimension is gradual. You are transitioning the old dependent relationship into the new 'light' form, the co-creative relationship.

Honoring Your Partners Reality

If your mate must tell you how you should be, or what you should do, (for whatever reason they have rationalized), regardless of whether it is true or not is not the point. If they are lecturing you from a position that you need to hear this information so that you can be better - in truth what they are really doing is projecting their own insecurities onto you. We project onto others, we lecture others, and "help" others, usually about something that we need to do ourselves - practice what you preach. Certainly they may be right, perhaps what they are telling you is something you need to hear but in this case the fact that you need to hear it is another issue. The real issue here is that they need to say it, and they need to say it not for you so you will change, (although this is why they may think they need to say it), they need to say it for themselves, to hear it themselves, for self, to hear self speaking to self. They are really expressing some lack in themselves, some need or insecurity and they form it as if it is yours. Certainly that which you have done has evoked this insecurity in them, (that was previously hidden) but it is not the cause. Simply put, they are putting their pain onto you and calling it yours.

We must always be diligent and be aware of the truth. If we must lecture someone about something we feel they need to hear - we are treating them not as a master, but as being inferior, the game of unworthy and control has begun. If your partner is lecturing you, you may need to hear this lecture to become aware of something about yourself, or to be at peace with the fact that others can see it. But more importantly you need to listen because you honor the fact that they feel they need to express this information. So please do your best to not be defensive and listen.

You may still feel like they are treating you as if you are inferior, but this is their stuff not yours. If you resist their expression, regardless of how dramatic it is, you are dishonoring their reality, regardless of how accurate or inaccurate it is about you. It is accurate for them and their reality, so allow their expression, and have compassion for them, knowing the truth of why they are lecturing you. If you resist their expression you imply a similar scenario, that they are inferior by lecturing you and avoiding their own stuff, and not seeing the truth. If you have compassion, seeing the truth that they need to speak for their own unconscious insecurities, and allow their expression, you are acting as a master, honoring the sovereignty of you and your partner.

So let them speak, and listen, because we are one, and when we listen to another, we listen to self. This is why they feel the need to lecture you so they can lecture self. The difficulty is that they may be accurate in what they are saying or they may be completely inaccurate in what they are saying you should have done or should do, but they are unaware of why they are really saying it now. Accurate or inaccurate does not matter, accuracy is not important to a master. If you know who you really are, what they say about you will not matter to you. What people think of you is none of your business. Anyway this is their projection of self upon you. Either way you must listen to respect their right to their reality, even the right to their own delusions. If you resist what someone has to say about you, then you probably need to hear it, or you are insecure about the truth of your beingness. If you have no resistance to hearing things about yourself then you know your own mastery.

A Master Does Not Correct Others

Other peoples perception is their own individual version of reality, and they have a right to it. And another person cannot change someone else's perception, although they can change it themselves. You can best help them by seeing the truth and not shoving it down their throat. A master knows their own mastery and has no need to convince others of this mastery or that others are masters as well. A master allows others their own reality, no matter how distorted it could be discerned or judged to be, (it is real to them).

Now don't fall into the trap of lecturing them back to tell them what they are 'really' doing. If you do this you will be doing the same projection. If they are not aware of their unconscious, it is not your job to tell them, they must discover it themselves. If they ask you honestly what you see happening and they are able to really receive it, then please provide the information, otherwise it is not your business. Your business is to see the truth, know it and have compassion for their suffering.

You are unable to be with certain persons on planet earth, (especially intimate relationships), because of what arises within yourself that you are unwilling to deal with, and are unwilling to include as part of your wholeness. Anything that anyone does or anyway that anyone is - does not directly affect you, it only affects you indirectly by what you experience within your own beingness as a result of the interaction (what you think and what you feel). This is the truth of the illusion of victim hood. We are not our feelings, thoughts or emotions, therefore anything that happens to us is merely an experience for our beingness and this individual expression of All That Is.

Embodying Your Wholeness

Oneness is the only absolute, and you and everyone is part of All That Is. Therefore anything anyone does, any way that any one is, any way that any one acts - is part of your wholeness, part of All That Is. Your intolerance to other humans is your intolerance with self, with All That Is. It is part of the illusion of good and evil - "this part is pure and good and this part of All That Is is bad". There are no victims in the Universe and the hideous things that people do are merely the jobs that they volunteered for as part of the wholeness of All That Is. These roles that others volunteered for, we should be grateful that we do not have to do. Even the nasty things we do in relationship are things we volunteered to do for each other to teach us lessons in embodiment of divinity, in including those parts of All That Is as our wholeness. We trick ourselves into awakening. The free will choice - face the fire of divinity, your wholeness in all its guises, or run away in denial that that part of the wholeness cannot possibly be divine or be a part of me, it is unlovable.

True unconditional self love - is loving All That Is, and I mean - All That Is! Rejecting another human for any reason is rejection of self. In truth it is impossible to reject another person, even to judge them or condemn them. Rejection, judgment, condemnation only occurs within - disallowing that part of your wholeness to be part of yourself. The result: the perpetuation of the fragmentation of self - separation.

If you are going to embody your wholeness and be all that you are, you will have to embody All That Is - for this is what you truly are. You must include the murderer, and the rapist, and the thief, and the liar...as part of the wholeness of All That Is and all that you are. This is true ascension, true enlightenment. This is all an acting part to who you truly are, and who you truly are treats it this way - can you?

So back to communicating your feelings without placing blame. This takes true human mastery, as you must cover all the bases that I have spoken of in this article. Optimum communication would be more along the lines of this example: "I am feeling insecure, needy and dramatic because my old world dependencies have not been fulfilled. I know I am through with this type of relationship, so this is why I feel this way now so that I can release what is lingering on. And at the risk of projecting onto you my own stuff, my insecurities wish you would do this, or would have done that. And I realize that I am telling you this because I need to hear it for myself. Whether you need to hear it or not is up to you, but I feel the need to express it." Perhaps with this full scale communication, covering all the bases, good, non dramatic, non blame communication can be accomplished. But everyone must be completely committed to discovering their own truth and being blatantly, nakedly honest with themselves. And we must truly know that others aren't to blame, we are not victims of our own reality. We are responsible for our own manifestations, and our mate is doing us a divine service of illuminating illusions for us to see the truth of our own divinity.

The Deeper Truth

If you know the deeper truth behind the actions of your partner or anyone for that matter, you do not need to tell them what it is. Nor do you need to ask them questions in a manipulative way so that they will see the "truth". It is quite easy to see why people do the things they do, especially if you are an experienced observer and master of consciousness. You may be able to see how and why people do what they do much better then yourself and what you do. But again it is not your job to arrogantly supply this deeper information or to get them to see it somehow. They will see the truth when it is theirs to see. Just you seeing it makes it available to them, if they don't see it after you have seen it then it is not time for them yet.

This can be disconcerting as we can feel the need to help others see the "truth". But do not fall into this trap, for this is your own trap, trying to help yourself. If you are trying to help others see the 'light' you are not treating them as masters, but as struggling humans. You are projecting your reality onto them. Everyone is a master in a human body. A spirit having a human experience. No one needs your help. You trying to help them is a projection of your own insecurities. It is based on an unconscious feeling of inferiority, a need to feel superior, and to not feel inferior. By telling them what they "need" to know, you are treating them as inferior, as a student, this is arrogance. You have taken a control position of teacher. They are not your student, they are a master like you.

There will always be a situation where someone is more advanced than you; or knows more than you; or is more awake then you; or more spiritually aware then you. These levels of awareness are part of the plan of separation and are an integral part of polarity consciousness. We all wake up from the dream of separation at various rates, and this is part of the plan as well. Because of this it can look like there is such a thing as superior / inferior. We all answer to a higher authority and work for the Divine Plan, All That Is. But this authority is ourselves on higher dimensions, so the superior / inferior perception is an illusion and only inherent to dimensional perception, in this case the 3rd. This is a paradox because in this reality superior / inferior "exists". This is the nature of things here in this dimension, but it does not accurately describe the truth of reality.

Isn't our dramas and manipulation and denial and rejection just intellectualized pouting. It is conducted from a child ego state. If you didn't get your way as a child you pouted, it is no different now - we are still kids pouting because we didn't get our way. That child whose expectations and desires were not met. It is the same with relationship when our partners do not do what we think they should, we pout and reject them and deny affection and love just like when we were kids. Have we really grown up, does the child within ever go away?

Relationship Sabotage

Do you sabotage your relationship by digging up pain and suffering from past problems, misunderstandings, miscommunications and dramas that have occurred in the relationship? Do you hash them over and over to be "therapeutically" worked out, analyzed and fixed? Do you strive for good quality from the heart communication about suffering and painful occurrences that have happened in the relationship, trying desperately to be emotionally connected, to somehow repair problems between you and your partner and some how bring you closer? Do you allow yourself to be loved or do you sabotage the relationship out of fear that you are unable to be loved or afraid to love and to be hurt by love?

Spending all this time trying to straighten things out between you, sabotages the relationship because you are spending all of your time trying to fix your personal insecurities through the relationship. You are spending all your time in the past on the illusion of mind and emotion and neglecting the love of the moment. This past orientation is detrimental to being in the moment and enjoying what love is here now. It does not allow for any fun. It cuts the spontaneity out. How can you be spontaneous, allowing for new moments when you're constantly in old ones. The love that we are is here now and always, it does not go away just because you are stuck in an emotional rut.

I know all you people with psyche degrees would probably disagree, that there is denial here of feelings and problems that need to be exposed and worked out. I am not proposing any form of denial just a broader outlook on all factors involved. Certainly all patterns of denial of divinity must be exposed but they do not necessarily need to be worked out between you. All problems that pop up between people in relationship are due to individual factors. In truth there are no problems 'between" people, as there is no thing between people, there is no space between us - no separation.

Issues do not have to be cleared, they just have to be open - able to be cleared. This takes the pressure off of trying to resolve issues in relationship, your focus can now be solely on making sure 'you' are open and that 'issues' are open. This allows for many possibilities of resolvement including divine intervention.

Compromise

Communication about the problems of relationship from the old world perspective that we are somehow victims to what our mates do, that we are not responsible for these manifestations, is deluded, a waste of energy, and only further damages the relationship.
In psychological circles I have seen therapists attempt to remedy these conflicts with compromise; this strategy works to some degree because it diplomatically creates peace for the relationship, but it does not get to the root of the problem and create peace within individual consciousness; it is a short term solution in favor of a quick fix, to avoid really going deep within beingness to find the real conflicts within, that partners are projecting onto each other.

Compromise does not encourage personal awareness, therefore it is not personally empowering and dishonors your unique perception of reality, your idiosyncratic way of seeing and experiencing life. A Master does not compromise their truth for any one; a master knows that they are a unique expression of All That Is, and that expression is honored by All That Is. No part of the wholeness of All That Is gives up any part of itself for another part of itself, as if that part of All That Is is more important than another part of All That Is. We all have our own perception of reality and our own vision of true relationship, so compromise really is agreeing to disagree, or agreeing that you have different perceptions of reality, because you are separate entities, living in separate bodies, viewing the Universe in your own unique way.

Compromise is an illusion, you cannot actually compromise any part of yourself; you can temporarily delude yourself to perceive reality from someone else's programming, but ultimately everyone will wake up to the truth of their magnificence. The best example of this is the cultesque addiction to religion that humans have on this planet, where persons zealously believe and preach dogmatic doctrine, in order to belong to something bigger then themselves, to belong to something that they feel separate from and must attain. They still have their own unique perception of reality, they are still magnificent beings, unique expressions of All That Is, except the truth of their beingness is being repressed by brain washing.

Projection

Dramas that pop up between people are due to partners projecting their stuff onto the other; projecting their pain onto the other and calling it theirs; at trying to work out their own stuff through another person. There are no victims in this or any Universe, you are responsible for your own manifestations. Your stuff is your stuff. Their responsibility is their own stuff, and your responsibility is yours. Any problem you have with someone "doing something to you" or "not doing something" is a projection of your own insecurities. Unless you are able to take full and complete responsibility for your own feelings and dramas and reactions and judgments; you will project onto your mate your stuff and will more than likely want to work it out between you to "heal" something or fix something.

There is nothing to be worked out between you because there is 'no thing' between you. If there is anything to be worked out it is only your own awareness of the truth of what you need to learn from this interaction and from all the problems that have popped up "between" you. What your partner does is inconsequential in regards to its affect upon the relationship. The relationship is only affected by the individual perceptions of it and on it. A relationship is a creation based on two individual perceptions of themselves. The health of this relationship is completely dependent on these individual perceptions and the degree to which these individuals take responsibility for their own consciousness.

With this in mind, a majority of the communication about the relationship should be objective. In other words everyone should limit communication from the victim position of "you did this; and I feel this way; and I wish you would do this, or wish you would have done that; and even, I wish I had done that". That form of communication is past referenced from a perspective of removal of pain, trying to remove your pain is a waste of time. You must go into the pain to discover what is eternal beyond all the pain, to where pain is inconsequential and does not matter when compared to the expansiveness of your true beingness.

The majority of your communication should be about your own insights gathered via the interaction within the relationship, when you have gathered up all the gifts you learned through the conflict that arose. Share what you have learned about self and All That Is through your interaction with another aspect of your self (your partner). They are an aspect of self, so anything you feel that is of a victim/abuser realm is pure fantasy. Even if it looks like victim/abuser is real, it is not. Even if it feels real, it is not.

You are ultimately in control of your life, and you are especially in control of your perception of your life. How much of your life do you have the courage to take responsibility for? If you are missing out on this moment because you are busy hashing out an old one than you are sabotaging yourself. If you are stuck emotionally in a past hurt, hashing it over and over in your head, feeling the hurt over and over again, imagining it over and over again, then how can you be in the moment - you are indulging in victim hood to try to have control. If you are in a rejection pattern because you're stuck in your illusion of victim hood, then how can you be open to allowing love in this now moment.

It is not your partners job to help you work out your stuff, to help you take responsibility for what is yours. Repetitive communication about problems of the relationship puts unnecessary pressure on the relationship, something that it does not need if it is to continue healthily. There is no problem with any relationship, the only problem is with each individuals awareness within the relationship, and the degree to which they are aware of their own self and take responsibility for this self, and to the degree that they allow themselves to love and be loved

Assuming things based on your fears and emotional dramas is obviously detrimental to the relationship. i.e. the projection of jealousy upon your mate based on your insecurities; another example of giving your pain away to them and calling it theirs. By assuming things based on your dramas and projections towards your mate, you will miss out on now moments, on now fun. You can be so busy being dramatic and depressed and spiritually pondering the details of relationship that you miss the fun of the moment for yourself, your partner and the relationship. Partners need to realize self first, then relate these gifts of self that were discovered and evoked from the relationship. Then even the suffering is seen as a gift instead of something to avoid. Problems of relationship are no longer problems but ways to learn more about self and the truth of beingness.

The Trap of Rejection

Don't cut off the love supply! This is a big control trap to fall into. Typically when we have a conflict with our mates, we fall into this trap and we both immediately start playing the control game of starving each other of affection and love in a desperate act of retaliation because our mate has 'hurt' us. We are caught in the trap of the illusion of victim hood. We cut off the love supply - energetically, psychically, emotionally and mentally. We especially cut off the physical love supply, the avenue by which love is felt and expressed - the ultimate punishment for relationship transgressions. We reject and will maintain this rejection until the energies shift and one of us breaks down and goes against the pattern, going beyond our fears, and pride, thus offering ourselves up affectionately. That partner may be rejected or accepted, this is the risk you take in this game as you go beyond your fears of rejection and abandonment.

This pattern typically goes on and off throughout a relationship. This control drama does nothing but serve your victim positions of I'm hurt, you hurt me, you bastard, you bitch. This is no way to conduct a healthy relationship, it only serves further co-dependence, regret, guilt, and resentment - things we do not want to hang on to. So plain and simply - don't do it. You must feel what you feel, but get to the truth of it, your part of the drama, that you must take responsibility for. You must go beyond feeling like a victim, even if you feel like one - 'you are not'! You are in control of your destiny and what you manifest in your reality and what your partner dishes out is what you asked for. Get to a place where you can be grateful for what you are feeling and experiencing, or rather what you will learn about yourself from it. Do not fake it though, idealistic, conjured up gratuity for the shit you are feeling and having to put up with is not gratuity, you can't lie to the Universe, yourself or All That Is.

This place where you are grateful for what you gain from what you experience in dramas, is a place beyond the pain, a real place of gratuity, where you realize you now know more about yourself and relationship with humans, and relationship with All That Is - Eureka! So this gratitude will come when you stop and give up control, when you are silent, leaving your partner alone, and discover the gifts of the drama and what you are feeling. You can actually be thankful to your partner for providing the stimulation for the exploration and subsequent arrival of these revelations about self and consciousness. Grateful enough to love them for it and shower them with affection because of all that you have learned about self due to their evocation and your interactions together.

Paradoxically you still may hate them for it, because all the pain you felt sucked, and you would rather be a happy bliss bunny 24 hours a day, and "it's their job to help you be a bliss bunny 24 hours a day as an integral part of this co-dependent relationship, by being perfect and never hurting your feelings". But all the feelings of dislike and hate and victim and abuser must be seen for what they really are. You must get to a place in your consciousness where you can go beyond these illusionary feelings. Remember, you are not your feelings, they are merely the avenue by which you feel the illusions of separation. You must not act from these feelings and reject your partner and play the I hate you dramas, and cut off the love supply.

If you do fall into this trap of rejection, well, that's OK, give yourself a break and give yourself space to see the truth of things. And when the fog clears, open yourself up to love, to receiving it and giving it. This includes going to your partner and shnuggling them. You must do this because you love each other - remember?! You are in this together, you are not enemies - remember?! The dramas are not you, the pain is not you, and they are not the relationship.

Catalyst For Change

Cutting off the love supply is ultimately self directed, as we reject parts of the wholeness of our own beingness. It is self sabotage at its finest, because ultimately we have only our own consciousness, we do not have any control over anyone else's. Cutting your partner off, cuts yourself off, because your partner "naturally" rejects you for rejecting them.

Cutting off the love supply with rejection is the oldest control drama in the book, it is the age old pattern of projecting our pain onto others and calling it theirs. In fact you already cut yourself off from love by rejecting a part of the wholeness of All That Is as not being a part of you, and projected onto another person. "A part that is unlovable therefore could not possibly be a part of me". In fact what you are feeling has absolutely nothing to do with them, they were merely the catalyst for change that you manifested into your life for that specific lesson of awareness of your beingness. Therefore judgment is a total illusion, you cannot judge another person, you only condemn them for evoking in you something that you judge and condemn as being unlovable within self - a part of the wholeness of All That Is.

This is the real reason we reject and project condemnation upon others - our unwillingness to include that unlovable part as a part of our wholeness. Thus you deny yourself love and cut off the natural love that flows between you. At the root of this is the feeling that we are not worthy of love, therefore we sabotage this supply, and feel justified for doing so, because the partner "hurt our feelings".

Now, you can comfort each other through it all - you must! You must realize and remember the love! You must tap into the source and provide each other that love and affection that you both need! Cutting this love supply off cuts it off for the relationship. If the patterns continue, the relationship will suffer and die, so you must go beyond your fear, and pain, and suffering, and need to maintain control - surrender to love! Surrender the need to get the other person back for hurting you, by rejecting them and denying them affection. We need people, friendship, affection and love making for health and well being of the form, it is a necessity - surrender to this, you are in a body remember?!

Love each other amongst all the pain, then the pattern of victim hood is broken. Love each other no matter what, because in truth you do anyway. Give each other affection, to tap into the love. Stop talking and hug each other, let your bodies channel love. Put your hands on each others chests and look into each others eyes and let love do its work. This works because we all have a program that says you give and receive affection from people we love and who love us. Especially very intimate affection including sex, because we generally make love with those we love. So go ahead and make love; not to fix anything, or take anything away, or to manipulate energies, but because you love each other. I'm talking about real love making here, not make up sex - where you try to passionately and lustily get rid of your aggressions and anger. I'm talking slow, long, sweet, gentle, intimate, lovemaking with continual eye contact and lots of heart to heart, chest contact, allowing the heart chakras to sing, allowing a space for heartgasms.

The Paradox

In this scenario there is a paradoxical feeling that your partner is both hurter and healer, but you must see the truth of this as well, that you cannot be hurt by another and you cannot be healed by another. You are not a victim and you are not a patient, you are not an abuser and you are not a doctor. They are a catalyst for your own growth and you must see them from this perspective. Your pain is your pain, you did not catch it from your partner as if it is some contagious disease. You can sell your pain to your partner if they want to buy it, or you can try to put it on to them forcefully from your victim position but this is projection and avoidance and not recommended. Your healing comes from within, you are your own healer. Healer, heal thyself. But all healing is accomplished by knowing truth.

Sometimes we have to be an ugly mirror for our mate so that they can see their own shit that they did not want to look at. You will be seen and judged inaccurately as if what they see is correct. You may actually do 'bad' things but they aren't really bad, they are only perceived that way by your mate or by you, more trickery of spirit. Your idiosyncrasies may be seen as negative rather than a positive aspect of your beingness. Your "rude" behavior may actually be your natural spontaneity, you doing what is necessary for the Divine Plan of All That Is, which is not concerned at all about outcomes and emotions. Your arrogance may actually be your divine authority being expressed in the moment. The reciprocal may of course be true about your mates behavior.

What is your perception of them. What aspects of their beingness do you judge. In other words which parts of you are you not at peace with. What behavior do you condemn them for that you are not willing to look at in yourself. What do you project onto them that they should not do because it hurts your feelings. Don't they have the right to be who they are. Don't you have the right to be who you are. What gives them the right to judge you, and what gives you the right to judge them. You are not in charge of their fulfillment and happiness and they are not in charge of yours. You do not have any control over whether you are seen accurately or not.

You will have to go through muck and mire and suffering and perhaps numerous partners throughout the years, but you will get there. And there is available now, (if both partners are prepared to do what it takes), to go all the way, to really love. And truly loving while being in a body is no easy task, but it is the job we all signed up for. We are all love experts, experts at manifesting love from higher dimensions into this one, into these bodies, and being the love we are now. And this thing called relationship is the perfect playground for this painstaking, gut wrenching and joyous work of embodying Who We Truly Are. This is another reason why we must do it together; we are all in this together; we do it alone but with others, another paradox. We must support each others personal growth, thus supporting planetary growth, we really have no choice, because 'we are all one'. Supporting each other supports self; denying another this support denies your own support. Don't you want to provide support for yourself?